So here we are . . .

more than 3 months into a caring for a child with Diabetes.

The picture to the right is Willow a few days before diagnosis! She looks happy and relatively healthy. It's hard to believe that a child can be so sick and you just don't see it!

You could say that we are doing really well . . .We had our 3 month visit to Duke for Willow's first real check up on how we are managing her diabetes. In the past 3 months we have mostly been in a full on honeymoon. Meaning that most days are pretty stable with the occasional swing to a really high BG or a really low BG. I have learned a whole new language. BG (blood glucose), BS (blood sugar - essentially the same as BG), ISF(Insulin Sensitivity Factor - how much your BG comes down from 1 unit of insulin), I:C ratio or ICR (Insulin:Carb Ratio - How many units of insulin you should take per how many carbs you eat). We speak these things daily. We have taught Willow to look at her cereal box, count the carbs on the side and figure out how much carb she is eating at a particular meal. We have gone from complete carb counting for insulin delivery to a sliding scale (not to confuse some of you) but now we just give insulin regardless of what her carb intake is . . .this will be somewhat short lived - as her body comes out of honeymoon and depletes it's own insulin stores and the beta cells finally stop all together we will have to go back to carb counting.Understand however, that carb counting is not the same as eliminating sugar! In the days past Diabetics were told that sugar was a NO NO!! Why - well the pancreas no longer was able to produce insulin to open the blood cells to take in the sugar they ate. So to eliminate all those high blood sugars - they just stayed away from them. We are in a new world of technology . . .Diabetes management is complicated - but has come so far and as chronic diseases go - this is probably the most hopeful one to have. Diabetics today can usually live as long as most individual with little to no complications if managed well. And management for us is getting easier by the day.

Here is what we do 8-10 times daily. This little machine helps up to know if she can eat, what she should eat and if she needs insulin.

Willow still gets candy, cookies and fun stuff like all kids! Sometimes it is a bit tricky - and we have to wait until a meal time so that we can give insulin to cover it - but we TRY hard to let her be a NORMAL kid. We've gotten comments - belive me - " Wow - I cannot believe she is diabetic - she'd not fat!" "Don't worry - she'll probably grow out of it!" "Well we wanted to invite her over but my kids get to eat sugary stuff - I didn't want her to be left out - what can she eat??" From the older generation and those who are more accustomed to Type 2 diabetes - we often are told to NEVER give her candy or sugar. We should feel lucky they make so many sugar free foods now and more such damaging comments - but we just move on through and care for her in the best way we know how - with knowledge, understanding, trial and error and mostly LOVE.

Willow can also play any and all sports, sing in the choir, dance and cheer lead just like any other kid. And right now her idol is Nick Jonas - who also has Type 1 and uses the same BG meter that Willow does. The internet serves us with pen pals from all over the world who Willow can "chat" with since we do not know anyone locally her own age with D. So really and truly I feel like we are blessed with such support and opportunity. Yet still I long for the day that there is a cure and neither she nor her dad and aunt will have to rely on synthetic insulin to live. It's coming . . .we just don't know when.

We have MANY supplies - our hall closet which used to have our family games - now has 3 sterilite containers wtih supplies . . .test strips (the little white thing in the picture above), syringes, alcohol swabs, back up meters and in the fridge we keep several vials of insulin - Humalog and Lantus. Back to the language thing - Humalog is a short acting insulin that works when she eats - Lantus is a long acting insulin or a Basal Insulin which holds her BG at a steady rate over a 24 hour period - this is hopefully what will keep her from spiking too high on most days . . .

Soon we hope to be moving toward new technologies for Willow - and maybe Mark too . . . At our visit to the endocrinologist this week we met with the doctor, and educator and several Insulin Pump reps. When we met with the doctor we were so pleased to find that her A1c (an average BG over a 3 month period) It was initially explained that the A1c shows the sugar coating on the blood cells - sort of like the candy coating on an M&M. We want the lowest possible coating - so for non-D's we would see anything under 6%. At diagnosis Willow was almost 14% - NOT GOOD!! - And this week her A1c was 6.7. This is an AWSOME number. Even the doctor said that normally he target the A1c in children for about 7.5. He was pleased - but let us know not to be disappointed if future visits showed higher A1c's as she is still probalby honeymooning and her needs will likely change. The other dissapointing part - well many times insurance companies will not approve Insulin Pumps or CGMS if the A1c is within normal range! That is not good for us. The ins. companies look at numbers - not daily life of managing a child with diabetes.

So after our visit with the doc, we had an education session on using the pump and using a CGMS. (COntinuous Glucose Monitoring System) Basically this is a sensor that Willow would wear on her body and it would test her BG around the clock. It helps with middle of the night lows (which we frequently have), seeing trends on how different foods affect her blood sugars, and is hopefully will catch a low BS before it gets too low - like our 43 yesterday that she did not feel at all - but a few minutes longer and she could have passed out . . . or catch when she is going too high - and we can adjust her insulin right then. Unfortunately - many ins. companies don't think this is a valuable piece of equipment at all!! They probably are not caring for a child with D!

So then we met with the sales reps and Willow got to play with the pumps and pretend to wear one. She really liked the Medtronic Paradigm with a CGMS attached. I liked the Deltec Cozmore with the separate CGMS. We will be having 2 reps come to our home this week too to give us more detail about insurance coverage and all that good stuff and to really "Sell" us on their pump. The thing is there are many really good pumps some have the CGMS attaches - others separate - each with different pros and con's depending on the kid, or person using it. So here we are with many choices and lots of decisions to make in the next few weeks! Tonight the rep from Omnipod comes to talk to us. We will see . . .

Here is Willow about 2 weeks ago with Ava and Haleigh at the park!
Happy and Healthy thanks to Insulin!

Fall 2008

So it's been while since my last post and I have to say that this school year is going so smooth and wonderful. Willow just got her first report card and has straight A's. She has such a wonderful and supportive team of teachers and staff at her school. I have been learning as much as I can about Diabetes and how to manage her condition the best I can. Luckily there I have a "family of cyberfriends" at childrenwithdiabetes who are super knowledgeable and have helped me really understand some of the nuances of this disease.

Other than the diabetes side of my life - I have been busy with teaching preschool 2 days a week, and carting kids around for Dance and Brownies! Ava turned 5 on Sept 29th. She got a new bike (among other things) - since we ran over her other one last fall. It was lying down in the garage and well . . .Mark backs in when he comes home . . the bike never had a chance! We celebrated by going down to my in-laws and the girls got to ride the horses. Ava is not quite as confident on the horses as Willow - but she did enjoy herself. Willow finished up her first season of cheering. She says next year she wants to do competition . . .we'll see. Haleigh started preschool this year - she loves it! She loves that I am next door with the 2 year olds and I love that she is not with me for a few hours! The girls went shopping with grandma and picked out their costumes for Halloween. Willow is an American Idol/Hannah Montana rock star, Ava is Wonder Woman, and Haleigh latched onto this Beaver costume - it is really cute! We trick-or treated last night (for some reason Charleston, will not to T or T on Fridays. I guess because of the all the craziness of teenagers! Our home is now officially overflowing with chocolate and candy! This is by far my favorite time of year as the weather gets chilly and the colors start to change. We are in full color here and I am loving the crisp cool mornings where I can sit outside with a cup of coffee and watch my breath! (well for a moment until I have to wake up kiddos and get them ready for school!)

I am gearing up for election day next week . . .and then on to the holidays!

Two Months Yesterday!

Wow! Its been a crazy 2 months! And 1 month has been back to school! I have to say - it has been an easier transition than I thought. That is not to say that we have not had some rough patches - but then who doesn't? Willow was blessed with a fabulous teacher and a really great school nurse. I was a bit . . . ok REALLY anxious about her starting school and how they would be able to manage her blood checks and her food and her insulin. Well I have to say they completely stepped up to the plate and dove right in! The school nurse comes daily and will call if there are questions. We email daily any changes or concerns to each other. The teacher is completely willing to have Willow test her blood sugar in class and the rest of the staff have been as or more accomodating. I get weekly BS logs, and daily written notes from the teacher or an email . . . the school cook has special snacks and drinks just for Willow. (Usually the parent has to provide this stuff!) So that has been great. Willow is still cheering for another few weeks and the girls all started dance a couple weeks ago. We still struggle with activity making her blood sugars drop and occasionally we will have what is called an" adrenaline high" - where her adrenaline will kick in and actually make her blood sugar go WAY up when it should be dropping. ( at least that is how I understand it) It is really spooky - I usually do not give insulin before activity - unless her BS is over 250. But a few times it has been like in the low 200s at the start of cheering and by an hour later it is over 300 . . . I never know whether to give more insulin at that time - bc sometimes the body will kick in and other times it wont . . . Diabetes is still unpredictable and complicated - but the last month has been much less stressful than I anticipated! And we are getting along taking it one blood sugar at a time!

Who said manageable was easy?

To all my well-meaning friends and family - this is not intended to be hurtful - I just really need to vent! Since Willow was dx with T1 - I hear - thank goodness it is manageable. And yes - I am thankful for that . . . but . . .
Do you all really understand what it means to be "manageable"? When I met Mark many years ago, and fell in love and decided to spend the rest of my life with him, I had no idea that a few months later he would get really sick, lose 40 pounds and be diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I knew very little about the condition at the time. Over the next 14 years I have learned to recognize his low blood sugars, I have managed to make sure he does not forget to bring or leave his insulin any place we go. I have been his back up . . . but he is an adult and mostly can manage on his own. Now with a newly diagnosed daughter who is age 7, I feel like I am almost as diabetic as they are. I have seen the term Type 3 - regarding parents. Diabetes does not sleep, does not take vacations and does not go away. This is her life . . . not the one I would have chosen for her, but the one given to her. Willow is seven and her idea of life consists of cheerleading, dance, taking care of her virtual pets, and watching as much TV as her mom will allow . . . and sometimes sneaking in more. She loves popsicles on hot summer days, she loves to fly kites at the beach, she loves to see her hair done up like a princess and would prefer to live like one! She knows that before she can have ANY snack now she has to check to make sure she is low enough and if all her friends are snacking on the latest cool color of fruit roll up, she must sit back and watch. While her friends can have as much or as little at breakfast, lunch and dinner, Willow has carefully calculated meals and is expected to eat it all or at least most. While her sisters and friends get to stay asleep all night, she is woken up at least once just to have her blood sugar checked to make sure she does not fall into a coma while sleeping. When her friends get irritable, they might be tired or have had a long day, when Willow gets irritable, flighty, airy, hungry (not around meals or snacks), or just does not seem herself, someone needs to know to check her blood sugar. She is learning the feelings and the signs . . . but she is also sometimes really confused. Yes - it is manageable, but manageable is complicated.

Who would have thought that before a meal you need to check your blood sugar, count your carbs and then pull insulin to a sliding scale to match your eating and your blood sugar. Then if your BS was high before the meal you will need to correct it will additional insulin following a scale. The first few days I carried a calculator with me everywhere . . .today I am beginning to know . . . that a med. apple is 15 carbs, a carton of milk is 12, a chicken sandwhich is aprox 45 carbs (one of her favorites), and a hot dog is virtually none - but wait the bun is 20. SUgar, Honey, brown sugar, maple syrup, Karo, Agave, all about 15 carbs for 1 tbs. If she has 3 waffles for breakfast each with a 1/2 tbs of syrup - she will have consumed almost 70 carbs, and that is w/o a drink. We have come to LOVE cottage cheese, cheese sticks, pepperoni, deli ham as snacks for when she is hungry - but not in the BS range for a carb snack.

Next week Willow starts school for the 2008/2009 school year. I found out today that her principal just quit, the nurse will only be there 1 day a week and we will not have a meeting about her situation until Friday - school starts Tuesday. There is this document called a 504 plan which is supposed to hold some legal implications so that Willow can get a fair education. So that she can test he blood sugar in class and have snacks - when other kids might not be able to. So that she can have additional time taking tests. Who knew that a high or a low blood sugar affects your ability to reason, and make decisions? We also found out that when she is under stress (test for example) it can raise her blood sugar? Ugghhh . . . how do we keep this all under control? I have heard that in some schools children are told to go see the nurse when they think they are low. Who knew that leaving a child to walk unattended to the office when having a low blood sugar puts them at risk of hurting themselves? I have to have all this written out . . . I'm working on that . What if no other responsible adult will take on the role of giving Willow her Lunch insulin? What if they miscalculate? What if they treat her unfairly because they see her as a burden? What if imitrex did not just take away my migraine - but it prevented my head from exploding? It would be my life line . . . Insulin, food, and exercise are my baby's lifeline. What if someone forgets?

Yes Diabetes is Manageable . . . but its complicated!

Our Latest longest journey. . . . .

I have always been confident that my mothering has been more than adequate to protect and nurture my children. I mean, I started with breastfeeding from day 1, am home with them, give them lots of opportunities to explore their surroundings, offer nutritious foods to help their bodies grow, read, play and all together love them . . . I would say that most parents do this . . . and yet - there are still situations and challenges that are completely out of our control. We've had lots of these little challenges along the way . . . Needless to say we love our girls and cannot imagine a world without them!

For the past several months we have battled eating and weight gain with our Willow. She has remained thin, and sometimes skeletal looking. We have tried lots of ways to get her to eat - and still remain on a somewhat healthy diet. So by late June early July when she was finishing most of her meals and eating well (with Willow standards) we were sure she was finally hitting that growth spurt to catch up with her height. 75% for height and 5% for weight at her 7 year old check up in march - weighing in at 40#.

But even with all the catch up in eating we were not seeing the catch up in weight - in fact it seemed that she was getting skinnier and skinnier - sort of like that Steven King book - Thinner . . .only we had not encountered any gypsies that I can remember! So on a trip home from Charlotte, NC after visiting with great friends - Willow asked to stop 7 times to go to the bathroom. Mark was getting irritated in his "get home mode" and I was beginning to get worried. Not only did she have to pee - she was pouring urine - I mean peeing for 10-20 seconds and LOTS!!!, Then she would get back in the car and say I am sooooo thirsty. Mark had banned her drinking - and she would look at me from the back seat and say - " Im sorry mommy - but I am so thirsty - and I need to pee again . . ." Almost with tears in her eyes. So we stopped at rest stops, gas stations, Mc Donalds, Baskin Robbins and on the roadside twice. In my heart I knew this was not right. The final sign for me was that night about 2 am when she came into my room and said "mommy - Ava came in my room and peed on me" In my sleep-deprived stupor I said, "What? No honey Ava is asleep in her bed - and I believe she is dry." So I got up went and checked Ava and she was dry (YAY Ava) and then realized that my 7 year old was soaking wet having had an accident. She was MORTIFIED when she realized that she was the one who had peed. I calmed her down, changed the sheets and got her settled back to bed and knew then that i needed to check her blood sugar. (I remembered the signs - when Mark got sick - 14 years earlier) So I went back to bed - asked mark to leave out all his supplies in the morning and then told him to roll over and go back to sleep. I don't think he heard me at all - but I got up with him and asked him again to show me how to usehis meter and that I wanted to just check her blood sugar levels. I was probably over-reacting . . . but please let me just check her. It will make me feel so much better.

^^^Let me tangent for a second . . . my parents moved to WV (from Charlotte) in early July. My mom had been living with us since March and had become our sort of live-in babysitter . . . She has been saying to me for weeks that Willow just looks so thin and is so irritable lately. She also noted for a few weeks that on certain days Willow was just going to the bathroom sooo much and drinking all the time. But that was all. ^^^

So Tuesday morning, July 22nd, when Willow woke up I said to her - " honey, I need to check your blood sugar . . . I'm concerned with all the peeing you are doing lately" Sleepy-eyed - she was reluctant and I almost had to hold her down to let me poke her finger. After some coaxing and pleading - she let me prick her finger - which showed a reading of close to 300. This was fasting - no food for over 8 hours. For those of you who are unfamiliar with blood sugars - fasting blood sugars should be somewhere between 80 and 100. At first when I saw her reading I thought - ok lets try tomorrow morning and see what it is and take an average . . . but then my mind and heart kicked in and I knew we needed to get her to her pediatrician immediately. I called and they could see us in 20 minutes. So thankfully my mom just happened to have gotten the day off - she came over and took Ava and Haleigh. Then Willow and I got dressed and began our long journey for an exhaustive day . . . which turned into the rest of her life.
We got to the pediatricians office to which I had explained to Willow - they will need to take lots of tests I am sure. " DO they need to take blood, can I get the numbing cream?" When Dr. Jones walked in - I asked her what we needed to do first. She said - that she wanted to get some urine and that we would probably need to be admitted to the hospital to run all the tests - but that she was certain that she could go ahead and diagnose Willow with TYPE 1 DIABETES. Although I saw all the signs and I pretty much knew what they would say - when the words came out of her mouth - I was shocked and in disbelief. How could this be? I had her tested in March at her 7 year checkup - it all came back normal. I checked then bc of her lack of weight gain. If it was negative then -how could it be positive now? But I pulled my best poker face and had to be strong for Willow - we were about to begin a very long journey! Willow started crying immediately - I don't want to go to the hospital, no I wont go you cannot make me . . ." It was all i could do to watch her cry and not tear up my self. I held her and said it will be ok - mommy and daddy will stay all night with you . . . you are not alone in this. How scary it must have been. She then looked up at me and said - do I really have diabetes, like daddy? I really almost lost it then. She understood . . . she knew what was ahead.
The dr. left the room to check her urine and returned to tell us that it was spilling sugars at over 2000. She said it did not show any ketones in her urine but they needed to do a fasting glucose, an HbA1c and some other labs. It was now almost 10:00 am and Willow was starving - but they needed her to wait longer before they would let her eat. As we walked to the car to go home and pack bags for the hospital, Dr Jones called and told us that there were no beds available at the hospital and that we were going to try to do all this on an outpatient basis. Whew . . . I was relieved not to be going to the hospital . . . but then we were directed to go inside and do the labs in the outpatient services. There was over an hour wait . . . but somehow - they squeezed us in. Maybe it was the sullen look of desperation on Willow;s and my faces or maybe it was the fact that I explained that all her labs were fasting and she had not eaten in over 12 hours now. We got the numbing cream and waited our turn for labs. In the back of my head - I was sure that all the tests would reveal that this was all just a big mistake, there is no diabetes, sorry for the alarm . . . you can go home now.

After the labs we went home . . . and waited for the results . . . I made my famous Waffles (for Willow - doused in syrup! - I figured her last sugary supper . . .) Around 2:00 in the afternoon Dr. Jones called with the results - her HbA1c was over 14% and she had a definitive diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes - we needed to go immediately to the Endocrinology Clinic at Womens and Childrens to get a prescription for insulin and some brief education to begin our regimen today!
We got there and found out that the Pediatric Endocrinologist for all of southern WV retired earlier that month. They have 2 nurses and a PA but no attending doctor. That made us all a bit nervous. But we listened, and paid attention and tried to take it all in. Willow was so brave and strong and I think realized the enormity of it all.

Later that week Mark called and told his sister (who also has Type 1 diabetes) and she got us in to see the Pediatric Endocrinology Specialists at Duke University. So the following Thursday we got in our minivan and headed to NC to see this wonderful doctor! Dr. Benjamin! For a week we followed the directions from our current clinic and were testing her blood sugars 8-10 times a day (sometimes more) Were injecting 4 shots daily of humalog and Lantus Insulin. We got lots of comments from well-meaning friends and family that we were lucky to already know so much . . . but each shot and each finger prick didn't make our situation any easier for me . . . I can only imagine for Willow. Once at Duke we were informed and relieved to find out that we were doing a REALLY GREAT JOB with Willow - in just 1 week her HbA1c was down to 12% (still at the top of the chart - but coming down well!!) There was still this bit of hope in me that this was not going to be forever . . . We were told that we had been doing everything right and they only tweaked our regimen a bit. What a relief!

Fast forward 4 weeks . . . tomorrow Willow will have had Type 1 Diabetes for almost 1 month! I have been writing this post for about 2 weeks now. And still I get emotional thinking about it. We are currently in a stage called "honeymoon". What that means - at least what I understand from the literature is that for many months prior to diagnosis her little body and pancreas were working soooo hard and fighting a losing battle until finally it gave out . . . that is when she was diagnosed . . .So we began insulin and her pancreas was able to take a break - medicine was doing it all . . . finally after a couple of weeks her pancreas begins to work some and shoot out as much insulin as it can, whatever it can find in reserve and it will do it spontaneously. During this time we are needing very little outside insulin. She is maintaining very good blood sugars and has an occasional high in the 200 range but more often, lows - in the 45, 50 and 60 range. These are scary to see and an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. But on the up side during a low - Willow gets some juice, a regular soda, cookies and other kid-friendly foods! She really likes that! Again . . . I am irrationally hopeful that her diabetic state will not return. Even though - everything I have read, heard and know tells me that this is only a short phase . . . maybe 2-3 weeks - up to a year or so. So we trudge on, checking her BS each morning, before breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner and before bed and again in the middle of the night as well as any other time she says - I feel funny, tired, dizzy, hungry . . . We give 4 shots daily with meals and before bed. So now we have not only medicine for her we supply her life line . . .
We thank God for the many blessings . . . family, friend and the fact that this is not a debilitating condition, but is manageable . . . as we pray for easier manageability, less shots, less complications and strength to handle each step . . .

more pics of the 4th

Here's a great picture of Daddy with his girls!

4th of July - 2008

July certainly has flown by!!! Here are some pictures of the girls and I on July 4th. We went to a fun party overlooking the river and saw amazing fireworks! The girls were decorated by me!!

A couple of weeks ago Mark and I took the girls to the Vandalia Festival. I remember the days when going to festivals was fun - we could walk around and look at vendors and shop, now it is " mom, I want . . ." and "No, Haliegh don't touch that . . ." But overall we had fun. The girls got to play musical instruments. They really enjoyed that and the birds from the Avian center.

Here I am relaxing, listening to bluegrass with the girls! I was enjoying sitting and doing nothing more than they were! They did enjoy dancing and running and we got out lots of energy!!

Recently Mark and I got a new camera!! Our new baby - the Cannon EOS XTI SLR!!! It is amazing . No delay, it has a ton of settings and well. . . I only hope that one day I can be as amazing a picture-taker as it is a camer!! LOL So here are some recent pictures that we have taken with our new camera

The bandaid on Haleigh's forehead was for a non-existent boo boo. She had had that bandaid on for literally 1 week. I could not get it off her!! When it finally came off - there was a slight tan mark on her forehead!! I made the swirly pink and green shirt Haleigh is wearing. It was my first attempt at sewing clothing!

I am still trying to figure out the shadow settings on this camera. Where there is too much light - you get lots of shadowing .. . . Im sure there is a setting for that . . .

Summer's here . . . almost

who would have thought that in mid to late may we would still be having 50 and 60 degree days! It has been COLD!!! But unfortunately when the weather does decide to turn - it will probably go from 60 to 90+ and not turn back! So I will try not to complain. Maybe all this rain will help with my first attempt at a garden. Cauliflower, hot and sweet peppers, tomatoes, carrots, and green beans - also sunflowers, basil, cilantro . . .

As our 2nd school year ends, I think about how different I am today as a mom than I was 2 years ago when Willow was entering Kindergarten. I really think Ava and Haleigh will have a much easier time adjusting to school that poor Willow. I put her and the teachers and the school through so much. Being the all knowing and all caring mom, what I got and what I wanted from Kindergarten were 2 completely different things. Some of you know that when we lived in Charlotte Willow had been enrolled in Montessori. (Public Montessori - FREE) I had big dreams! Of days filled with respectful learning and choice to focus on what she wanted to learn rather than just reading and early math. I was excited that her classroom was going to have a butterfly room just outside the side door and that each child was expected to have play time to help them grow. I looked forward to her learning more about give and take and respect for person, place and thing rather than making sure she knew that C makes 2 sounds! I was excited for her to be in a diverse learning group and to be in a group of parents who had made the choice for their children to be in a Montessori program. I had big dreams and ideals . . . which were quickly crushed when we moved to Charleston, WV and she was enrolled in PUBLIC school.
Now understand - the school she attends has the Highest test scores in the state, and the highest percentage of students with "gifted" talents, This school is ranked nationally and most of the teachers have been there for 20 years or more . . . The students at this school excelled in spelling bees, and math competitions, I learned that people move into these neighborhoods just so that their kids get to go to this school . . . but for some reason . . .all that did not mean SQUAT to me. Where was the creativity? Where was the idea of free thought? Where was the ART and Music programs? I only heard about reading, language and Math. What about science, history and social studies and play?
Well Kindergarten started and I gave it a few weeks, but daily Willow came home - not LOVING school! She said things like - we never get to play, we cannot read when we are done with our work, we have to sit with our heads down all the time . . . but by Christmas she was reading early chapter books! Whatever that means. I was caught between this person who wanted my kids to LOVE school and this mom who began comparing with other parents - what "reader" is your kid on? Daily I asked Willow - did you go outside today? (usually - "NO - we were not allowed, or we did not have time") WHAT?? No time for fresh air? On top of it all Willow was terrified of Fire Drills, Loud noises, overhead speakers and the bus (which she refused to ride)
I did talk with the teachers - often - and when I could I sat in and observed the room (wow I would have been bored as a student too!!) But after a while I was certain that when they saw my car pull up there was an overhead speaker notice for all the school - "Get ready - Here comes Mrs. Shawl!" I emailed, I talked with, I had conferences . . .I still did not feel that this environment of 90 minutes of daily reading and 90 minutes of daily math with a few worksheets thrown in for good measure was what I wanted for willow - or any kids for that matter. But I also knew that our only alternative was for me to school her . . . and that I wanted even less!!!! Don;t get me wrong . . . I love the idea of homeschooling . . . if I can send my kids to someone else's home to be schooled! Over the summer between school years I worried and hoped and eventually decided that Willow and i were going to be OK with school and that I was going to encourage and support the teachers. We started out 1st grade still not riding the bus, and still inherently terrified of Fire Drills. But I began my year on a positive note with the teachers and asked them what they thought would be best for her rather than what I thought she should do to make Willow more comfortable. I also talked with Willow often and asked her what she liked about school and we tried to focus on that. By the second month of school she was riding the bus home (it was too hard to get their on time in the morning), she seemed to LOVE her teacher and she was still having some "harder" days than others. She had her first embarrassing moment, (a passing gas incident) and the boys started " teasing" this year. They used words like " dummy" and "cooties". She has her first real "fight" with a girlfriend and she learned that not all kids have the same values taught to them at home. Willow and I have had lost of talks at night about how some kids exclude others and how some kids are nicer than others and that some kids have 2 parents at home and some don't. And on top of it all she seemed to excel in school and really LOVES school. Maybe it is her age, her teacher or my attitude toward it. I have to admit that I was resentful that I did not get my alternative education but what we got has been pretty good! What I originally saw as classical conditioning - Willow sees as incentives. What I saw as too much direct learning, Willow sees as her ability to excel. She takes the structure of school in stride. Maybe it is because she does not know that school can be any different.
So . . . here are the positives . . . she is learning to respect her teachers and peers, she is learning that hard work pays off, she is learning that it feels good to do well and to excel, and is happy with small amount of creativity they get outside of the many hours of direct instruction mandated by the state. She gets to go outside almost everyday , and she is a happy kid. Who and I to decided that this is NOT a good environment just because I wanted something else. When I put my wants aside and began looking at how she was growing, how could I ask for any thing else? So here we are at the end of 1st grade . . . and wow - I am such a proud parent . . . of a PUBLIC SCHOOL kid!!

The final stages of painting then we hung on trees in the yard!
Ava's final project hung in her favorite tree!


















Willow's finished birdhouse hung on the maple tree.

Spring Painting

Today we painted birdhouses. The girls loved it and the weather was gorgeous. Its funny I usually don't do this kind of activity with them because I hate all the prep and then they only work for a bout 2 minutes and then leave me with all the clean up. But today they worked well together, they were so cute as they meticulously painted and made each birdhouse thier own. I will definately be buying more of these activities.

Ava was so proud to make pink from the red and white and then painted her birdhouse and butterfly.

Haleigh meticulously painted purple, then yellow and green and finally was pretty covered in paint herself!

The Shawl Family Christmas!! We had a truly blessed and wonderful few Holiday Days with family. And will be seeing the Jackson side this weekend. Here is a pretty good family picture!! Its hard to get all 5 of us smiling and looking at the camera at the same time!!

Willow here is loving on Forneys dog Rex!! He was a sweet rescued yellow lab that likely weighed about 3 times Willow!! Willow was hoping to find him under the tree this morning but not this year!!
Here Willow is helping me make our first batch of Christmas cookies - we made these for Santa and he ate lots of them with milk - yum!!! The girls went a bit overboard on the sprinkles!! But they had fun and I got to use my Pampered Chef cookie press that has been collecting dust for the past few years!!

Merry Christmas!!

This past weekend I met Dr. Bob Sears!! He was amazing to listen to and a really nice doctor to talk to! I wish we had more pediatricians who felt as positive about attachment parenting, and BF as he was! Here I had him sign his new Vaccine Book. This is a GREAT book to help you explore and make informed decisions on the vaccines you choose to give or not give your children!! On one of my yahoo groups there is lots of questions from moms about vaccines and whether to selectively vax, or no vax or fully vax - its quite a controversial issue. I feel lucky that we are mostly out of vaccines for a few years!
But even so . . . It is an easy read and VERY informative!

finished knit project!!

I cannot believe I finished on time!!! These were made for my brother and SIL who are expecting baby Carlyn Austelle in early December!! I cannot wait to meet my niece and knowing how easy this pattern was i wish I had made this set for my girls when they were little!! I am not the fastest knitter - but I was impressed as how well they turned out! I just started another pair of booties of this same pattern. I'll post when I get them finished!!

How did we get here?

September came in like a tornado. I remember sometime in August before school started back saying to someone - I cannot wait until school and schedules start back. I am so ready for a scheduled day and some down time while the kids are in school . . . What was I thinking . . . Why was I wishing away the lazy days of summer??? Agghhhh . . . well that about sums up Sept and so far into October. Not that it has been all bad, or hectic, or crazy, or wild . . . Well - yes it has . . . but I love it! In late August Willow started 1st grade - if you remember any of my ranting from last year - we were a bit reluctant about starting another school year. Willow however, has overcome some great feats! She has made it through a 3 fire drills and a "real" school fire when the heating system smoked and the fire department had to come to the school. For anyone who knows willow - fire is her greatest fear and her kindergarten Teacher actually changed the safety unit to accommodate Willows fears . . . Willow has since told me that she feels brave now during fire drills and is very proud of herself for being able to maintain her "dignity" during the drills! Even after the "real" thing - she was fine!

Ava started preschool in early September and LOVES school. She does not like to call it preschool - "almost as big as Willow" school - is what she calls it! At firlst the teachers just at up her "cuteness" I warned them to beware that Ava tends to run all one end of the spectrum or the other. At first they did not understand . . . but after a short "honeymoon" into preschool Ava began to show her colors!! The first incident was when Ava decided that she was the flag holder, the door holder and the line leader all at the same time. Her teachers are SO patient! LOL On Thursday after buckling Ava into her carseat and shutting the minivan door, the teacher looked at me and said - Ava might tell you about a little boy who punched her in tummy - We had to talk to her and let her know that her friends do not take well to her spitting on them . . . Why was I not surprised that she spit on someone . . . Goodness . . . she tests every nerve in my body! So I never actually said anything to her but she quickly decided to tell daddy, with a beautiful sad face, " Daddy - Ethan punched me in the tummy today!" Mark quickly looked at me and said - what kind of preschool is this? I looked at him with that look - do you really think that was unprovoked? And said ask her why he punched her and just so matter of factly she said - Oh I spit on him! Other than that . . . she is happy, loves to paint, seems to mostly get along with her peers and seems to LOVE her teachers! I love the 2 and 1/2 hour break a few days a week!

Edisto Beach, 2007

Here are a few pictures from our family trip to Edisto Beach, SC. We had a great week, saw dolphins, hermit crabs, went on a boat trip (Willow got sea sick) and got lots of sun! Willow perfected her body boarding on the surf and Haleigh and Ava decided that they did NOT like the feel of sand in their pants so we were up at the beach showers every hour or so rinsing off!!

Unfortunately, Mark was not able to join us this year - but I had lots of help from my Aunt, and my parents. My brother and his wife and little boy also went along! I loved the solitude of the beach. If you are looking for a great getaway with NO hustle and bustle - Edisto is you place. I hope we get to go back again soon! - Maybe next year!